ForXXXnaughty naughty
by Rachana
Summary: The massively inappropriate story of a girl and her vampire lover. Bella and Edward get it on...a lot. Oh yeah, and they live in a nudist colony...


Forxxx

The massively inappropriate story of a girl and her vampire lover (based on the Twilight series)

Once upon a time there was a rainy little nudist colony on the Olymipic Penninsula called Forks.

There was a family of ridiculously sexy vampires that inhabited said colony. They were called the Cullens, because this was their last name. The family included: Esme, the dangerously naked "mom-type" device, Carlisle, the very handsome nude "father," Emmett, the overly buff and underly clothed boy, Rosalie, his hot/really mean/nakeder than mean girlfriend, Alice, the psycic lass with her rather exposed flat chest, her still somewhat emotially scarred/disrobed boyfriend, and finally, Edward. His legendary hotness was in a class of its own, and luckily laid out for the world to see, what with his scadalously unclad/rather dead body.

Then, one day, Bella Swan moved to Forks the nudist colony because she felt that her life as a fully clothed member of society was too conforming, and she wished to escape the oppressive oppression exercised by the man. So, on the first day of school, she happily ripped off her clothes and jumped onto her Segway. "Bye, Charlie! See you after school!" she called to her very exposed father as she oozed away.

Upon arrival, a somewhat dweebish, rather poorly endowed boy ran up to greet her. "Hi, I'm Eric!" he cried in his raspy, little girlish voice.

"Hi, I'm Bella. I just moved here, and I can't wait to run around naked all the time!" she said eagerly, scoping the grounds for other people so she could look at nudie boys and their special places.

Then, nothing interesting happened.

Then, in third period, an enterprising young gal named Jessica greeted her. "Hi, I'm Jessica, you're new here, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…" she babbled in the happy, annoying, peppy way that is typically found in Jessicas.

Then it was boring again until sixth period.

A well-packed lad by the name of Mike confidently introduced himself. He and Bella chatted happily until the teacher strolled in wearing nothing but a pair of Gucci loafers.

"Okay, everybody get with your partner, we're doing a lab."

Bella scanned the room, and there was only one empty seat left: next to a very, very, very, VERY attractive guy. It was Edward Cullen, and Bella was awed by his total five-alarm hotness. She sat down shyly next to him, allowing her hair to fall in front of her face.

Then it was really boring for a little while.

Then, a few days later, the teacher put on a video regarding the creative process of pornography for the class to watch. He turned off the lights, and Edward was quickly aroused. He and Bella exchanged a naughty glance. Bella knew what he was thinking, because in a nudist colony, you can run but you can't hide. Particularly the state of one's danger zone. So, realizing she couldn't fight it, the two dived under the table and proceeded to make frenzied, animalistic love to each other. The other classmates, engrossed in the pervy video, ignored the grunts and moans issuing from the formaldehyde-soaked floor. By the time the lights came back on, Edward and Bella were back in their respective seats, panting slightly. The teacher took no notice and dismissed the class.

Then Bella went to PE and played volleyball, which, by the by, is the most popular sport among nudists.

The next day in biology, the class was working on blood typing. Bella excused herself because the blood was making her woozy…in a naughty kind of way. As Mike escorted her to the nurse, they ran into Edward in the hall. When the three reached the nurse, Edward threw Bella onto the cot and proceeded to ravage her, much to the horror of Mike and the nurse. After they exhausted their sexual energy, they calmly stood up and departed the nurse's office. Followed only by the envious Mike, Edward carried Bella to the office so that they could be excused for the rest of the day. When Edward dropped Bella off at her house, she beckoned him inside (in more ways than one…) with a seductive gesture. They then did the nasty dance all over Bella's house: on her bed, on the table, in the back yard, on top of the washing machine, IN the washing machine, under the refrigerator, in Bella's bathtub without water, then in her bathtub WITH water, on top of her computer, near her computer, then, when Charlie arrived home, in many places on the police cruiser. After banging Bella for five solid hours, Edward made his merry way home, eagerly awaiting the next day when he could continue to "tap that."

Jessica, Bella's new friend, invited her for an evening of bare-assed fun in the neighboring town, Port Angeles. Well, Bella got lost and a few very drunk naughty boys were making unwanted advances. Luckily, Edward drove up at that precise moment. He demanded an apology from the three hooligans, and everything was settled. Bella and Edward invited them to participate in an orgy in a nearby dumpster. They consented, and the group writhed around in a steamy, garbagey love fest. Edward and Bella thanked the three and wished them a good night as they headed for Edward's Volvo. Before driving away, Edward decided to "tap that" in the back of his 'lac. They sped away merrily, and were home in no time. Bella crept up to her room, waiting for him to sneak back through her window. After Charlie was soundly asleep, Edward showed up at her window. She threw it open to allow him in (again, double meaning here…) and the horndog couple wasted no time: they tiptoed into Charlie's room and made funky atop his sleeping form WITHOUT WAKING HIM.

"Wow, that was really great," said Edward after they had done the deed. "He didn't even notice."The two spent the rest of the night spooning vigorously until Bella fell asleep. Just to see if he could get away with it, Edward "fondled" her woman cave in ways too obscene to be mentioned while she slept.

That weekend, Bella and Edward decided to take a trip the beach. There, they met up with Bella's pal Jacob. They then engaged in a mad three-way, boinking their brains out. Jacob then took a moment to go away, giving Edward just enough time to fornicate with Bella in Billy Black's wheelchair (it still 

contained the very nude Billy of course), in the back of Jacob's car, and astride his moving motorcycles. Then, they pulled Jacob back for more three-way as they toppled off a cliff. They were never seen again, but their loved ones found comfort in the fact that they died VERRRY happy souls. Perhaps they're still out there, humping like rabid mountain goats in some far corner of the world, from dawn till dusk.

FIN


End file.
